Wake Me Up Before You Go Go - Week 2 Semi Finals

Last night was pretty boring, except for the obvious highlight at the end (strategically placed). As a kid I used to sleepwalk, now I think I've taken on sleepwriting.

ThiSSSSSSSSSSSS is American Idol!

Ryan was amped up at the beginning of the show. Little did he know how positively lame his interviews were going to be with the contestants.

What's that dangling peace sign Randy does? Is it an "I'm so cool and lazy I can't even lift my fingers" move or is he somehow giving a shoutout to cows and their udders? It's kinda weird for me for you Randy. And did Simie really change sides of the table because the lighting was bad? I thought the girls were kookie.

Is it just me or does "Kai Kalama" sound like "high calonic?" That's what I thought Ryan said in the intro. Yuck. I won't go there. REALLY. I WON'T go there.

Finally we're to the first contestant....
Jasmine – I’ve always been kinda down on Jasmine because even though she can carry a tune, I don't think she's THAT great and I think her getting in is way more about the "cute" factor. She took a fun vocal and made it really drab. Totally not for her even though she’s young. And sorry, but this is totally a white girl song. I’m sure the rest of the white girls will get up there trying to sound like Whitney, Mariah, or Aretha and this girl, with a low voice no less, picks "Love Song" by Sarah Bareilles?? Blah. Poor Sarah - that's kick in the gut #2 from this show.

Paula’s cleavage is particularly distracting tonight. Not in a good way. At least not for me.

Matt doesn’t LOOK like an Idol. Actually, he looks kind of like Michael Buble with facial hair. Too bad he doesn't sing like him. "Viva La Vida?!" are you for real? You're going to sing that? No. That masterpiece shouldn't be messed with. Matt sounded breathy and the band was SOOOOOOOOO lame compared to the original music. Matt threw in too many runs and was way too pitchy. Why is Randy calling this a "simple song?" I don’t agree with that at all. Ryan tried to protect the song, Chris Martin (in particular) and Cold Play after Randy's comments, which I agree with, but it was a little bizarre how much Ryan made a point out of it. Is he afraid Chris Martin will de-friend him on MySpace or something?

Paula looks like she’s on sleeping pills tonight. Wake up lady! If anything, take the opposite of sleeping pills for this show, because you're going to need it.

Jeanine – “This Love” by Maroon 5 is her choice. OK, are these the whitest black chicks ever on this show? About this point in the show all the old fogies who watch it (there are plenty) are saying, “What the hell are these songs?” Terrible, terrible. Great body (I noted the legs in my notes prior to the judges), bad performance. Well, at least she can do pantyhose commercials. I hated this performance even more than the last two and that’s bad. Even worse, this contestant TALKS. Oh I hate that. “I’m under the radar!!!!” Woe, shut up. “I haven’t blown it yet, I haven’t blown it yet!” Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Is there anything more annoying than when the contestants give a critique of their own performance? "I think I did well" "I disagree" "America decides!" BLAH BLAH BLAH. You were put here to sing, not speak. We hear enough from the four talking heads plus the mannequin host already.

Paula’s ring….can she open that thing up and add magical ingredients to her Coke cup?

"Norman Gentle" was up next. This guy is going to play it out as long as he can. Let's face it, he won't win. He'll just be on long enough for Simon to worry that he could win and then threaten to leave the show (remember the Sanjaya season?) His dad looked really angry at the beginning of his performance, but I guess later he realized the camera was on him and he put on a smile. Is it ridiculous that he’s taking up a spot on this show? In part, yes. But let’s face it, the last three performances were PURE TORTURE and he’s at least been entertaining. Plus, they’ve brought 36 freaking people to this semi-final, so what the heck, why not?! Paula philosophized that "this is America and singers come in all sizes, shapes, and fashions" (she oughta know – she’s been all of them). Later, Ryan asks Paula a question and she brings the show to an utter standstill (Ryan, if I could only warn you, this is just the first of your awkward interview moments tonight). Then, in typical Paula style, she seems not to know she’s been asked a question. Then she apparently forgets how to answer a question so she goes, “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!” Hoooooo boy.

My husband and daughter “HATE” Paula’s hair. Geez....catty, don't you think? ;)

Alison is up. Is it just me, or is it hard to tell whether these people are 28 or 16? They look no different. I guess that's not good for Alison who is 16. Wow, Alison is a SUPER WEIRDO. Good thing she has vocal talent because she’s not going for comedy or public speaking. "Hey Alison, what’s it like being in class?" A: "Well you’re in a room. You’re by yourself. Well you’re not by yourself. It’s easier. It’s a lot of hours. Well it’s not." Maybe this is some kind of conspiracy against Ryan…to just make him look totally awkward. Alison singing “Alone” is better than the previous performances but it still isn’t that great. I predicted that the judges would go wild over it because they're starving for something half-way decent. Prediction correct! Randy: "You blew it out da box" But no, Randy, she didn’t, she really didn't. It was just a'ight and you know it.

Kris Allen - "Man in the Mirror?" Again.....Really?? Really with this song??? What are these people thinking? This guy can't do a Michael Jackson song. (With regard to the song --- can you imagine looking at the man in Michael Jackson’s mirror?! It’s a wonder he doesn’t drop dead each morning!) I thought Kris was OK and that’s it. Nothing special. Seems like a genuine guy, but not really a star.

Oh yay, these performances are downloadable on iTunes! AS IF!!!!

Meagan Corkrey – She is super cute, entertaining, and enjoyable. She’s really different. Not sure what to make of the tattoo sleeve, but it’s all part of the enigma she seems to be. Best performance so far, even with the weird twisting around ("cork"screwing around?) in the Sunday school dress. Finally someone to vote for. She goes through for the girls.

Matt did “If You Could Only See” by Tonic. He’s Ok. If he got up at a party and did this he would blow people away, but I’m not hearing superstar vocals. He’s better than the losers at the top of the program, but again, EH.

Jesse chose Bette Davis Eyes and I thought it was a good choice for her voice. I loved this song when I was a kid. Greatest song ever written? Uh, no. The tone is good but she loses the melody a bit in the middle. I think she was the second best girl but she might have to go wildcard at this point. Plus, she was a BIG talker after her performance which I don't like (see Jeanine's commentary above). Listen, if you have that much to say, go get a blog! ;)

Kai Kalama – I like this guy's wild hair, his warm complexion, he’s one I'm watching right now. Voice is really nice. While I do like the hair I think the Idol stylists will help him out a little. Best guy, so far...but he doesn't stay at the top. I think he'll have to go wildcard as well.

Mishavonna did "Drops of Jupiter" (I know people like this song, but I hate it). Aaaay----aaay----Aaaay----aaay. As every year, one of the major problems with these contestants is that they are trying so hard to perform rather than really being into the song and singing it through and through. Truth be told I don’t know if I can look at her cartoonish face all season (and by cartoonish I'm being kind). The chicks are weird this season, eh?

So Adam from Hollywood comes on and I’m either going to love this guy or hate him. Am I down with the dark hair and eyeliner? Uh, yeah!!! Though there is something troubling about the look. He looks like he tries a little too hard...kinda seems poser-ish. When I heard he was doing "Satisfaction" I thought oh no. That song is SOOOO overrated, but let’s see what he does with it. As uncomfortable as it always makes me feel when guys give "the eyes" to the camera (like Clay Aiken or Constantine or even Justin Guarini did) I have to admit I always secretly like it. It’s so ballsy! This was the only guy to really PERFORM. Man o man. OK, SO I'M TOTALLY ON BOARD!!!! Some people will certainly hate him, but he’s the only one out there SO FAR in the whole competition that used that stage and sang that song. And guess what? That song is DAMN boring and he made it exciting! Adam! Adam! Adam!! Wooo hoooo. A reason to watch the show for another year, yet again. (Don't worry, I promise not to fall in love with him like I did with Jason Castro).

There goes Paula, taking my guys again. ALWAYS. Damn her. Look at her. She’s all out of breath and fawning. Damn you, you cougar!!

Yo! Did you hear the Randy Dog mention My Chemical Romance!!??? Now that's what I'm talking about dawg!! While Adam isn't as cool as Gerard Way, he's got some wicked killer vocals. Wow, what a range! He woke me up before I went went.

So I'll leave you on a high note. Going through tonight: Adam, absolutely....Meagan, pretty certainly, and......well......you know it's probably Norman.

What are your thoughts? Comment or email!

The First Dozen

Yo, yo, yo....here we go!

So last night we were treated to (or exposed to like radiation) the first dozen semi-finalists. Prepare yourself to endure this three more times.

Now despite Randy's claim that this year there is "more talent than we've ever had" (uh....doesn't he say that every year?) last night's show didn't quite back up his claim. Some of the performances were downright abominable, in fact. But we'll get to that later.

Let's start with Jackie from New York. Wackie Jackie. Where to begin, where to begin? OK. The outfit. Big sneakers, black spandax pants, a giant red belt, and a polka-dotted black & white top. It might be the worst outfit I've seen on the show EVER. "A Little Less Conversation" didn't help her much and she came off like kind of a dork. My remarks got me the label of being "just a big Simon" in my house (according to my 11 year old). That's OK, he typically gets it right (as do I!)Is there a resemblance between Jackie and say, a young Linda Lavin (from the TV show "Alice")? ..........wow, I'm aging myself! (Well kiss my grits!) Though, poor wackie Jackie....you can see where she gets her fashion sense from. Check out her beret-wearing Dad and shiny-jacket wearing mom. Sheesh. Yet, this is only one parental fashion faux pas among many to come! Prediction: Jackie doesn't make it this round. She was first (forgettable) and not that great.

Numero Dos was Ricky Braddy, a person who was kept from us during the previous TV coverage. Not sure why they did this, since it isn't like revealing him at this point is some sort of wonderful, unexpected gift. Bad hair, needs a shave, doesn't know how to use the microphone, no star quality (per Me and Simon). Ricky did "A Song for You" which no one on earth will ever do as beautifully as Michael Buble -- I command you to download it now!! So, Ricky didn't stand a chance with me on doing the song justice. I will say he had a nice high note (cue audience = clap, clap) but I think he's the type of guy that knows he has some skills, so he's going to "over the top" every song. You know, he'll stick in runs whenever possible, even if it isn't necessary. The "Braddy Bunch" parents (oh isn't that clever?) got themselves all dressed up for their big TV appearance (NOT). What is with these people. I'd be like, "Mom, Dad! You're not going to the neighborhood block party. Put some effort into it." Prediction: Ricky's not going to make it this round and the Braddy Bunch will have to head back to their inappropraitely sized 3 bedroom home (2 bedrooms and a shared bathroom for 6 kids -- that Mike Brady was some architecht!)

Alexis Grace graced the stage (me use clever play on words!) singing "Never Loved A Man" by Aretha Franklin (minus the giant bow-hat). Randy went all crazy and sh*t. Paula and Kara went on about how cute and petit and young she is and that they can't believe she sounds like that. Why don't they just come out and state the obvious? She's as white as vanilla soft-serve icecream and she's pulling off the tunes of a big, black woman? She was good, but I think they were a little over the top with her. Hey, who out there was confused when Ryan introduced her Dad and they panned to Ted Danson and Neil Patrick Harris? Prediction: She'll get the top girl vote.

The one-dimpled Brent Keith was up next (my son has one dimple as well. I wonder what that's all about? His Dad has two, I have none. Maybe the offspring end up with one? I don't know anything about the science behind dimples). Ok, looking it up...looking it up: Wow! Who knew? Dimples are actually a birth defect! The most common cause is a shortened muscle. Dimples are also a dominant trait...so if neither of your parents have dimples, you're not likely to have them unless you have a spontaneous mutation. So that's your science lesson for the day! See how educational my blog is?! While dimples can be rather endearing, I do have to tell you that they inevitably lead to a wrinkle. Sorry my fine-dimpled friends. Ok, so enough about Brent's lone dimple. First when they tried to introduce Brent they ran into a "tape" problem (the fact that Ryan called it "the tape" made me feel not so old). Brent is cute, but I didn't care for his performance. He even seemed to talk through some of it. Hick Town probably wasn't the best song for him to pick. Paula said he could be like other American Idol country stars "look what Bucky Covington has done." To which Simon said, "What has he done?" Let us not forget that Simon knows absolutely NOTHING about country music. Bucky Covington rules in my opinion! One of the better Idol contestants. Love you Bucky!! (We share the same birthday too). Anyway, Brent doesn't have a chance of making it at this point, probably not later either. He looked like he was crying after his criticism, but maybe he was just looking at his wife's hicktown hairdo from the mid-80s.

Stevie Wright....OMG......she just flat out drowned right before my eyes on that stage. It was like watching a bad act in a middle school talent show. Poor Stevie. Why did Wackie Jackie grab screen time by saying, "I love you" to Stevie's mom? That was weird. Whatever it takes I guess. Stevie's mom had a big, shiny, hideous scarf on....and that's all I gotta say about that. Prediction: no prediction necessary here.

ANOOP! I have to wonder if Randy is going to say, "Anoop dog is in the haaawse" every week? I'm thinking, yeah. Anoop's hair has gotten better since his first audition. Next we'll work on the eyebrows...'kay? I just love Anoop. Not crazy about his song choice, but he still SANG it, am I right? While watching him I came up with a brilliant idea! A boy band made up of only Indian-American teenagers. Cool idea, huh?! OK, don't steal it. PREDICTION: I think Anoop will probably win for the 3rd highest vote. Congratulations also on having the first set of parents to dress with some tact. C'mon native borns....let's get our act together!

Casey Carlson is just the super cutest chickadee I ever did see....but as soon as they announced she was going to do "Everyt Little Thing She Does is Magic" I announced that it would RUIN HER!! I've got witnesses to prove it. First off, just leave this song to Sting. It isn't meant to be covered. It's a unique song and you just can't pull it off. Secondly....she was just horrible all on her own. Didn't move to the song.....should've been jumping all over the stage. She was completely cornball with her cute little winks and weird faces. It was just a disaster. Not sure who was worse, her or Stevie. If she goes through it is only based on looks. Terrible, terrible, terrible. Her mom's leggings and polka-dotted shirt weren't any better either. (Are polka dots back and no one told me?) Prediction: Doesn't make it this time.

Michael Sarver did "I Don't Wanna Be" -- didn't hit the high note in the song. Truth be told I have the nerve to like my guys skinny --- a singer, even skinnier than skinny. So big man Michael is just not for me. Though I'd like to have a beer with him. He was just OK for me, dawg. Prediction: Not going through yet.

I thought Ann Marie picked a good song, until I heard her sing it. I thought "Natural Woman" really suited her, because she does seem like a natural woman. I think she got better half way through, but the beginning was atrocious. When it was suggested that she sing something like "Love Song" by Sarah Bareilles she said, "You mean I should sing something that's not as good?" Woe. SB is not going to be happy 'bout that...eh? I actually think that is a really good song so I don't know why she be hatin' on it. Bad move, newbie. So, after her critique Ann Marie heads back to the group room and sits down on the couch making a weird noise and apparently hurting herself. She said, "Ouch I just sat on the hard part" and Ryan goes all Beavis and Butthead about the comment and can't continue because she said 'hard part.' Grow up, Seacrest. Prediction: Not going through yet.

Stephen Fowler just can't get it right. He takes a fast-paced "Rock With You" and sings it slowly and without much energy. Basically, he bombed. I like the guy, but he's got to figure out what he's doing. Very disappointing. Prediction: Not through this round.

A demure Tatiana del Toro (Tatiana of the Bull?) did "Saving All My Love" which came off OK surprisingly. It is still a shock that this girl can actually sing. Her personality and voice are in such contrast that I'm left speechless. Simon said she is "desperate to be famous." The judges even seemed annoyed that she didn't put on her crazy act. After all, that's the only reason they put her through (RATINGS, PEOPLE). Prediction: No go for tonight.

Danny Gokey did "Hero" (I hope he doesn't only do inspirational songs the whole competition. Give me some dirt, Gokey). It wasn't what I wanted to hear from him, but he did well. Did I think he was BLAZING HOT (Randy) or going to play to SOLD OUT ARENAS (Paula)......no. He's definitely a favorite but they were way over the top. I guess by the end they were really starving for something outstanding. Being the 'Big Simon' that I am, I have to say he was good but I'm not jumping up and down like the three idiots who take up space at the table. Prediction: He'll go through as the top guy.

Alexis, Danny, Anoop. There's your 3 finalists.

Leave me your comments/opinions. Post it here or email me. Let's get this party started.

Hello Frisco! Goodbye Loserville!

This week's auditions brought us to San Francisco and Louisville...insert multiple scenes of that red bridge and race horses.

In Frisco we started with Tatiana, who thought she was wonderful (and claims to be Puerto Rican) and was pretty much over-the-top crazy. Turns out Crazy can sing. She's going to Hollywood, where all will certainly hate her.

There was a very white, excessivley pasty guy with red hair who I thought I might actually catch some disease from just by watching him on TV. Scary.

Someone chose to sing "We Built This City" by Jefferson Starship...a song that no one should EVER, EVER, EVER sing, including Jefferson Starship. What in the hell where they thinking when they wrote that?

Enter the failed entrepreneur with the wild jacket and a smile as wide as Randy's behind. Simon said he had fake hair color. He was pretty spastic and didn't make it. Nice guy though.

Now you know the show has really gotten big when Jesus comes to audition. That's right, Jesus, right there in front of Randy, Paula, Simon, and (do I have to say it?) Kara. Well how can you not put Jesus through to Hollywood? Everyone be lovin' Jesus! We'll have to see if Jesus can make the final cut though, down the road. Without his loyal followers, especially the children, and their signs of "We Love You Jesus!" I think he will not make it to the next round.

Some guy who could do the Rubik's Cube sang "Baby Baby" and I had no idea what song he was singing.

Now, here's someone with a talent. I think her name was Aquila Eshew Goldstein? Though she couldn't pronounce anything right, so it only fits that I can't get her name right. She was the one who studied the biological tems for the throat. She could sing acapellaly and knew all about the trayshea. When she tried to sing in front of the judges, her voice, unfortunately, came from the wrong rectum (Randy: "what!?") and the judges said no to Aquila for Hollywood. This really irractitated her. Thank you Aquila for giving the world so many new words! I look forward to purchasing Aquila's New World Dictionary sometime in the future.

A young, cute-ish guy named Adam Lambert came in and sang very high and dramatically. I think he was the Broadway kid. I'm looking at notes right now and having trouble remembering him. Noted: "needs makeup." In my world that usually means that he would look a lot hotter with some eyeliner.

Kai? I think that was his name? Was the good-looking, dark-skinned man who was taking care of his very white-skinned, white-haired mom. He did "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes." I thought he was OK. Probably won't make it beyond Hollywood.

OK, now let's get this bitch Louisville done.....where's my notes, where's my notes...ah...there we go....

Tall blonde Tiffany starts off the show, complete with creepy mom and dad. I always wonder why people keep singing when Randy starts laughing, quite audibly, through their performances? She said she would sing another song but Kara said, "No honey. It's not about that."

Joanna who cut out on her own to become a music star said she "grew up a lot" "saw how artists struggle" and "lost a lot of confidence in the last year" --- that sounds an awful lot like too many rounds on the record company exec's casting couch to me. But good ol' Paula gave her a shot of confidence with, "I think you're worthy." (Worthy to stand before the wonder that is Paula Abdul?)

Mark Mudd. Well, what can one say? This is what the rest of the country expects to find when they go to Kentucky. Mr. Mudd almost died five times, had multiple car accidents, and is the ancestor of the Dr. Mudd who fixed John Wilkes Booth's leg after he shot Lincoln and jumped from the theatre balcony. He is the reason, he says, the term "Your name is Mud" came about. Well tickle my fanny and send me to Ohio, that's really some story. Unfortunately, this was "not the right competition" for him, according to Paula, to which Simon said, "What is the right competition? Wheel of Fortune?" An "Oh no he di-in't" could then be clearly heard outside the living room window of Pat Sajack's mansion. So, Muck (as Simon referred to him) did not go through, but having been through so many near-death-experiences himself he told the judges to "be careful." What a sweet guy.

Brent did "Can't Get Enough of Your Love" and he was REALLY good. Though Simon called him "buskerish"---- Hey Aquila!! Is that in our dictionary, baby!?? Oh, no, here it is...it is based on a real term...never mind. BUSKING: the practice of performing in public places for tips and gratuities. Well slap my butt and call me Shirley (no, don't call me Shirely), he used it properly.

OK, stop slapping my rear end now.

Two things I realized about the new judge, (should we keep calling her "the new judge" or call her Kara?), I don't like her gray eyeshadow that she wears every day. It's a tad whoreish looking. #2 She has the exact same lisp as Sarah Jessica Parker.

During Brent's performance the two female judges went under the table and then Kara said, "Ready, let's both go down." Where was Ryan when you need someone to reprimand those four and tell them it's a family show?

A few clips of bad performers were shown...like the Zebra guy and the loveable Fat Patrick who did the Billie Jean song and dance. Really enjoyed him.

They let a guy named Matt in who did Gavin DeGraw's "I Don't Want to Be" He was just OK, won't make it that far.

Ross, the academic guy came in and I found it very funny that Paula suddenly put on her glasses for the only part in the show. Inside Paula's head: He's smart. I'll look smart. No, I'll look smarter! Yeah, because he's not wearing glasses is he? No, he's not. He sipped through her straw and she was then afraid she'd catch some of the smart, so she had them get her another cup.

Did anyone notice on Day 2 of Louisville that Paula walked in wearing her lingerie? What was that about?

Aaron woke everyone up screaming and stomping "Have you Ever Seen the Rain" --- Ryan ran in to protect Simon because he thought something bad was happening.

Kara pointed out that Rebecca, who couldn't sing, was voted "most humorous" in high school and that this must be a joke. Then Rebecca cried. Then Kara pretended to feel bad because she was mean.

I didn't feel like they showed us enough good performers. I made a note of the name Ryan Johnson from Ohio because they showed him for a second and he was really fantastic. So mark my words on him.

The show ended with Lenisha, who grew up homeless. She wrote her own song and whenever someone sings a song they wrote themselves it goes horribly wrong, but she was the exception. She passed the audition with flying colors. You'll be seeing more of her.

Well, sadly, there are still more auditions next week. Hang in there, we'll get through it together.

Don't forget to vote in the new poll below and also read Simon's classic quote at the bottom!

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Idol in Kansas City: Dentists Not Allowed

So who knew the extent of the problem? Widespread neglect right in our midst, right smack dab in the middle of our country! How did they let it get this far? Do the good dentists of our country not even care about Kansas City? President-elect Obama, at the very least, please add a 2 ton box of toothbrushes to be immediately shipped to Kansas City as part of the federal economic stimulus package. If they brush their teeth they can get jobs! It is the least you can do for those poor people.

But hey! There was something nice to look at in Kansas City! Enter JASON CASTRO.....collective sigh! (well, at least one sigh from yours truly). Hi Jason! Jason got a big hug from Paula (she always likes my men, always! Damn her!) But we'll get back to Jason later in the Tales of the Toothless City.

First up is Chelsea, who I knew was going to stink because she was bragging about how good she is. She was a pretty, but who in her family is telling her she can sing? Maybe they had no teeth and she misunderstood what they said. Kara called her "sweetie" so I'm sure that softened the blow of rejection (eyeroll).

Next someone came in and did a song that Simon co-wrote. It was a sappy love song and the girl sang "footsteps" instead of "footprints" which he quickly corrected. My guess is that's where he got his songwriting credit -- "Yeah, I think you should change 'footsteps' to 'footprints'.....now don't forget to put me on the songwriting credits."

Casey in K.C. was as cute as a button. She is going to have a great face for those closeups on stage.

Stage left enter "big-hearted, hairy-chested" guy. Oh how I love it when Randy laughs through someone's entire performance! Dog, you funny.

Insert the "Boo Hoo" segment where several people cry or scream over not getting their golden ticket. Boo hoo hooo....now I'll never be able to afford to go to the dentist!

A guy in a hat came in and sort of yelled and sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" all at one time. It was a risk, but the risk paid off. He should be interesting to watch. He's someone who could go on through to the next round as long as he doesn't get too risky.

And now.....drum roll....it's the Castro brothers! Pink-haired Michael Castro is every bit as goofy as Jason Castro, but not as good looking, and according to himself, "less girlie." Hey, don't pick on my girlie Jason, Michael! Other than the goofiness, I didn't see that much in common about these two, but when Michael started singing his whole face transformed and you could see all the same expressions as Jason. It was quite fascinating! Now, see, what I'd like to do is switch their heads and bodies. Of course in doing so, you'd create one Adonnis and one short monster. Maybe I'll just make a cutout of Jason's face and paste it over the TV when Michael is on. It is funny what Simon said too...that he couldn't tell if the Castro brothers really took any of it seriously or really "wanted it." That's the amazing thing, they are just so naturally talented. I wasn't looking forward to brother Castro, but now I'm kind of on board. Better start printing out the Jason head and get me some tape!

Matt, the Welder, Breitzky was on next, following in the footsteps of the classic movie, Flashdance. He's a maniac, maniac on the floor.....(get it? She was a welder?) Matt had a nice voice. Maybe I'll put the Jason cutout over his face as well. I think he has a chance to make it to the Top 20.

So at this point in the show I notice that there is a woman who sits in the corner, off-screen, just to hand out the golden tickets. Wow. I wonder what that job pays?

A girl going by the name of "Jazz" with blue and red hair came in and did all kinds of wrong with her vocals. Did she not look like Kirsten Dunst's freaky sister?

Another geriatric-lover made the grade....Jessica who lives with her pill-popping 93 year old granny. She seems nice. I thought she was OK. I think she'll have a tough time making it through the next cut though.

Rapping sisters -- neither of them were good, but they let the normal-sized one through.

I am pretty sure they let the guy who came in screaming "California Dreamin'" go to Hollywood. What was with that hair? He looked like a Hare Krishna member. He's not going to the top 20. No way.

The guy who lost his wife, well you've gotta feel bad for that. I think he might make it to the Top 20, but get cut before the main stage.

Anupe, the folklore major (OK, that exists?) will be GREAT when he gets to the Top 20. They're going to grab ahold of those eyebrows and wax them right off. Stick him in some leather and trim up that hair. Instant Indian Idol. Love it.

Andrew and the Cheerleaders were up next. Can a man be too skinny and too white for me? Apparently so. Thank you, Andrew. And in what universe does a guy like that hang out with girls like that? I guess in the universe where a milky white boy sings like a black man...there you go. Don't worry, I won't Rickroll you. Just click here to see Andrew -- http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOU8GIRUd_g

The band director had a nice sound and a nice look.

The yellow-haired mutant...well, I just wanted to give that guy a vitamin or something (and a free pass to the dentist.....ANYONE EVER HEAR OF 'THE DENTIST' AROUND THERE!???) Does that guy actually take the time to bleach his hair? Why not take the time to brush your teeth?

The black dude who had a dream about Simon sounded a lot like Fantasia in the way he spoke I thought. He got through and I thought he was fun, but I don't see him making the cut later.

I HEREBY BAN THE USE OF THE PHRASE "WI' YOU" OR "WIT YOU"....it's "WITTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHH YOU!!!!" unless you don't have any teeth.

That one girl kept saying "God's going to get you!" Well, I hereby proclaim that if God is spending his time worrying about AI results, then I'm taking up Satanism, or at least Atheism!

Tornado girl is really good and pretty. She'll be Top 20. I thought comparing her to Fantasia was an insult as I don't think Fantasia is very good.

And finally, Simon ended the show by saying, "I'm now in love with Kansas." That's perfect. Especially since they were in Missouri.

'Til next time, don't forget to brush and floss!

Idol Hits Arizona.....Yeah, We Get It....It's Hot There

As my loyal readers know, I don't typically start commenting until Idol is down to the final "real" contestants that go to the big stage, but since I'm now an official Blogstress, I felt it my duty to make a few comments to keep current.

The kickoff last night started with so many great memories....geeky Clay when he was skinny, nerdy, and in the closet; William Hung; Roooooben, "Kelly!" (screech this like my husband does); Sanjaya and the crying girl; The Hoff and more... Good times, yep, good times. My favorite moment of the intro was when Ryan nearly fell into the Grand Canyon....close, but no cigar. Perhaps he is still off balance from the shark bite of his pinky toe? (No, I don't know if the shark got his pinky toe, but that's how I like to imagine it.....I really didn't spend any time researching the Ryan/Shark incident, but I plan to refer to it endlessly nonetheless.

So in Arizona (where it's hot...in case you didn't know) we started off with a Tai Afro Dude (who is "half-caucasian" -- Yo! A shout out to my fellow caucasians! Woop Woop!!). Afro Dude didn't do so well, despite his claim that his moves made him "more marketable." Aw. Poor, sad, Afro Dude.

This is about the point where I decide there is no way I am going to like this new judge (didn't take long did it?). Anyone who calls people "honey" like that (if you do that, consider NOT doing that) is not a friend of mine! I never thought I'd say this, but this woman is going to make Paula shine like a diamond. Mark my words, Kara is not going to be popular with the audience. I want the standard back! Simon, Paula, Paula's prescription bottle, and Randy!

Next up, the Barracuda Tattoo girl. This girl is very beautiful (except for the unattractive tattoos)and a really, really great singer. I'm with Paula (you know, Paula's my peeps now!)she's, like, Top 5 material. Love her! She's the real deal.

OK, now we come to "Blue Collar Guy" who works in a cubicle. Ooooooh...kay.... Um....yeah, I guess there's no point in explaining the contradiction to him. Blue Collar Cubicle Guy is also known as Rock Band Singer Poser Guy on Fridays. Boy the office must love him. So, he didn't do very well, but don't worry, someone will "hear his [hard luck] story" and give him a break. You know, that hard luck story of growing up and being employed in an actual job because he doesn't have any friends in a rock band?

Some guy named J.B. got through but I didn't think he was that great.

There was a nervous, sweaty, pasty guy who sounded like he was having a toilet episode when he sang. What was that about?

Andre, X-ray, Cactus guy I SO totally enjoyed. Very disappointed they didn't let him through. How uplifting to watch that guy swiggle around!! Just loved it. If stupid bikini chick got to go through, I don't know why he didn't!

Didn't Paula look so smart with those glasses on? She looked pretty last night too. (No, Paula has not paid me for good commentary just because there is another female judge on the show this year. Really. I promise. Not that I'm not open to that. (Paula, call me!)

Arianna - she's adorable, she can sing, and she likes geriatric people. Top 12.

Elijah with the low voice...kinda reminds me of the guy in Animal House, "May we dance with your dates?"

Pink cowboy hat girl from Connecticut! WOOOOOOO!! (Who "woos" about Connecticut?) Despite brining in the 3-ring binder, she was too nasally and didn't make it.

Stevie was good. She has a ton of potential. She's like a "before" picture. They'll hide that big forehead and slap some makeup on her and she'll be good to go.

When I was not watching too closely some big hick got sent to Hollywood.

Bikini girl: Now what was most disturbing about this segment was not the girl in the bikini, but judge Kara getting up and singing like, "Look, I'm better than you!" That made me feel very squirmy, because honey, you just don't do that. You need to be professional on that judge's table and not try to show you're better than the contestants. You didn't see Paula get up and try to outdance Afro dude! #2 disturbing thing was the fact that they played, "I Kissed a Girl" for Ryan kissing the bikini girl. The lyrics go, "I kissed a girl and I liked it...I hope my boyfriend don't mind it." Are you telling me that was not intentionally done?

Deanna the southern blond was really good.

Detroit horror movie making boy was good, not great, but definitely someone I will be keeping my eye on (I hope he keeps his eyeliner on!) He's interesting. I'll leave it at that.

Nerdy guy Alex did James Ingram and made all kinds of weird faces. He was a good singer, but the performance needs a lot of work. I don't see him making the final cut.

Scott McIntyre, the blind guy, was good but I didn't know the song and I didn't think he was GREAT. He's certainly done well in his life considering his vision. I think he'll get cut in Hollywood, but it doesn't look like much is going to stop him in life. Good for Scott.

On that sweet note (you didn't think I would make fun of a blind guy, did you?) I bid you adieu.