Wow, so it's been a while.....and look how far we haven't come. The Idol train just keeps on chugging along, with the speed of an 80 year old with a fist full of coupons in the checkout lane. Sigh................
I will do my best to remedy this by recapping recent events as quickly as bloggingly possible!
The Idol judges visited Utah "the friendliest place on earth" where everyone is blonde and polite (and an Osmond). Yes, an Osmond boy came out to play...and of course he got through to Hollywood. Now here's a montage of the rest of the auditioners -- goth girl with ESP in too tight, too short outfit (Kara says, "We didn't mean to hurt your feelings honey." Snicker, snicker...); A singer with a friend in a bunny suit. I'm sure Simon's picked up some bunnies in his time, but this was probably the first one who's picked him up. Ryan gave a speech to the room of auditioners -- fight for your right to sing or something like that. Rah Rah Ryan. Rah Rah. Frankie Jordan looked like a healthy Amy Winehouse and did an Amy Winehouse song (good choice). Meagan Corkery, the young divorced chick had a very different voice. Really liked her. Austin, Mr. President of the student body, Mr. Positive tells the judges, "You don't want me to fail." I guess they were persuaded by his power of positive thinking and they let him go through. I found him to be quite scary! A 16-year old who moved with her family from the islands to realize her singing dream (and they went to Utah??) was really good and seemed way older than 16. Rose, the hippie chick, who's parents died. Loved her voice and look. Definitely didn't sound 17 years old.
San Juan, Puerto Rico and New York....is there really a difference? Yes. New York has more Puerto Ricans!
Puerto Rico was pretty much a waste of time I think. There were some cool people to go through in New York. The enlightened, nearly bald, bare-footed black chick...she was really good but won't care about winning much. Jackie, a bluesy girl who has a scratchy voice and is very different. Norman Gentle with the headband who started off with a Mary Catherine Gallagher impression and then ended with a Simon/Seacrest joke. Loved that. He can sing, but he's not a great singer. I got a very quick glimpse of a "Kenny" from Havertown, PA and wrote down "OH YES" --- only to find out he's a son of a friend of a friend of mine (now I have to feel guilty because he's like 17 years old). Alexis came back (remember, Take it! Take it! Take it! from last year?) and was worse. She gave them the finger.
Hollywood week (which by the way --- this is a total scam because it is going to last TWO WEEKS for us!) started out with Professor Barry Manilow.
First to get booted was Dennis with the big overbite. He said, "That's ya'lls decision." Yeah, you noticed, Dennis? Whining, crying, sissy Nathaniel said that music is "on his skin and bursts out of him" everytime he's on stage. Let's just hope he wasn't talking about some infectious disease. I'm getting tired at about this point and just have notes like: Anoop! Rose! Stephen Fowler - nice! How did Von get through? Jorge - Kara called him George. Danny - Kiss from a Rose. Norman Gentle - knows he can't compete, so just playing it all the way. And he goes through! Must be for ratings. "Bikini Girl" -- with all the carrying on you'd think we've never seen a girl in a bikini before. What ridiculous hoopla over this. Can't you see that just about any night of the week on any TV channel? What is the big deal? I did find it amusing that when she started kissing Ryan again he squeaked out a little, "I can't." Some girl got sent home and she tried to get them to give her another chance. I think she blew it when she eventually used, "It's my husband's birthday."
Group day --- Ryan uses terms like "blood bath" and "talent like you've never seen before" and "you won't believe what happens on stage" and about 50 "after the breaks" Not much to say about it other than a group named White Chocolate had a great presentation. Some guy said he felt manipulated and assaulted and he saw evil in Paula's eyes (that wasn't evil, that was Percaset!) We find out that Bikini girl has scoliosis and a severe case of the losers. Tatiana is pure crazy. She and her group all sounded terrible and they all went through. "Thank you Jesus!" Finally, annoying gay dude carries on "I tried my huh-huh-huh-hardest!!!!" and somehow gets through to the next round despite his mediocre ability to sing and perform. Let's bring back the kid with the big lips and attitude from last year. At least he had style.
OK, that's it. As fast as I could people! I think next week they'll finally put an end to this drawn out process and give us the finalists. See you then!
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