So, last night the Idol crew took their caravan of crazy down to sunny Jacksonville, Florida. In a bizzare twist, the city they went to had one of the judge's names in it...Randy Jackson....Jackson-ville. Wow, that is just too unbelievable to ignore....so ignore it they did not. An entire intro to the city revolved around the top dawg himself.....the man so famous for being in the rock band, Journey (hands up, who remembers Randy being in Journey? I swear I never saw a black man in Journey! How did I miss that?)
So once we got over that exciting connection, we were on with the show.
First up Joshua who compares himself to Justin Guarini...thinks this will make him "memorable." Ah yes, the shining star that is Justin Guarini. There are scores of papparazzi just camped outside of Mr. Guarini's mansion as we speak. So, Joshua-Justin went through to Hollywood. No chance, no chance.
A cute girl brought in a cute dog. She sang "Superstar" but had a very odd voice. It was raspy and then cutesy. I didn't know what to make of it. Then on top of that Kara and Paula did this fake kiss thing and Kara said she was waiting for Simon to make a move on her. Hey people, there's a contestant here!!! Do they let these women out of a psychiatric ward once a year just to do this show? What is wrong with them?
A Latina girl with a goofy laugh did a Whitney Houston song and it turned out to be OK in the end. I actually liked her...thought she was pretty down to earth. Now for who's NOT down to earth.....Paula from planet Prescriptionpillz had a breakdown because she wasn't invited to give her opinion. She walked away sobbing and said she "couldn't do it" when the contestant went and fetched her saying, "But you've been doing it for 8 seasons!" and then returned trying to act like she was just kidding. You could tell from Kara's and Simon's expressions that they were thinking, "Oh oh...there goes 'crazy' again." I knew it would be only a matter of time before Paula's brain imploded over there being a 4th judge. I think the kiss she was trying to give Kara was really the kiss of death!! By the way, this contestant...very likeable, but like the other ones that went through to Hollywood tonight, she's not going to cut it.
Blonde Naomi walks in and says she has a friend who is Randy's #1 fan. The fan comes in and sits on Randy's lap. Not to be outdone by Randy and the Randy fan, Paula sits on Simon's lap. Ryan is then invited to come in and sit on Kara's lap. Ryan leaves as soon as he can, feeling totally uncomfortable being that close to a woman. Blonde girl can't sing. They ask her if it was a joke. Strike 2. Girl cries.
Jasmine, who did the Fergie "Personal" song had a REALLY annoying voice and they told her she was good and sent her off to Hollywood. Another one who won't make it.
George, who studies physics, is 18 years old, yet I contend that his beard is actually 40 years old. All nutty George wants in life is a simple house with marble floors. We are living in a world where a simple house has marble floors and people who work in cubicles call themselves "blue collar." I'm starting to feel pretty smart (and sane) watching this show! No need to discuss whether he could sing or not.
Kara wore brown eye makeup on day 2 and it looked better than the whore gray she has been wearing. Yet her blouses cancelled out the improvement.
T.K. came in and did "Imagine." I just imagine a world where no one tried to sing this song. That's my eutopia.
Ah the Jacksonville skyline....they keep showing it.....why....I have no idea.
I'll end on the young, guitar-carrying, crying Michael Perelli. I actually would have liked him to go through. Poor baby. I'd like to give him a hug but he'd probably screech "Don't touch me!" like he did to his mom.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention Anne Marie who they had come back with a little more makeup. She will do very well and go to the next level. That's one contenstant for Jacksonville. She was great. Watch out for her.
Tonight....Salt Lake City.....where you can only get "near-Beer" (3.2%) but are more than welcome to take a wife or two or five.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Getting On Board
Slowly but surely, we're all coming together on the blog. Thank you EPerry, ToniG, Gu, Donna/Meagan, and Wolf Eyes (looking forward to figuring out who you are!) for joining the blog (becoming a watcher). Also, thanks for the 3 comments left and those of you who have voted at the bottom. At the same time, THREE COMMENTS, and FIVE watchers this is pretty pitiful people!!!
So, I'm writing this to get you guys on board. I'll keep trying....after all, the season isn't really in full swing yet.
I have heard this from a few:
"I don't know what a blog is" -- well, THIS is a blog. It is just the same email I used to send you but posted up on a website. The term blog comes from web log.
How do I watch the blog?
On the right side you'll see FOLLOW THIS BLOG. Click on that. If you already have a Gmail address, you can use that. If you don't, a Gmail address is free and it's a cool thing to have. Just an extra email address, nothing scary folks. It can be a great way to separate out different kinds of mail.
After that you can follow publicly or follow anonymously. Of course, following publicly makes it a lot more fun for the rest of us!
Where do I comment?
At the end of the post (the thing I write) there is a thing that says COMMENTS. Just click on that and you can enter your comments.
How do I read the comments?
Just click on comments! A number will be there showing how many comments have been made.
How can I send this to a friend?
There is a little envelope next to the COMMENTS. Click on that and you can enter your friend's email address. Of course if you'd rather just copy the link at the top and send it to them through your regular email you can do that as well.
How do I vote?
At the bottom of the page is a new poll every week. Just click and vote!
What if I want to read an old post?
Since my posts are rather LENGTHY, I am only showing one post at a time. Go to the right side for the archives and click on the title you want to read.
Other ways to follow the blog:
There is a SUBSCRIBE IN A READER at the top. If you have a Google account, just click on Google and you can get the blog in a Reader. That means it will bring the entire post into your Reader on Google and you can read it from there. It will bring it in automatically with no effort from you to go to the blog page. Very Cool.....but perhaps too technical for some.
What if I'm still confused?
Just email me at my regular email address!
What if I don't like your blog format?
Just email me and tell me! I'm open to improving it. One person told me it is hard to read white on black. Do others feel that way? Leave me a comment!
I think that should cover a lot of the new-fangled blogging thing!
So, I'm writing this to get you guys on board. I'll keep trying....after all, the season isn't really in full swing yet.
I have heard this from a few:
"I don't know what a blog is" -- well, THIS is a blog. It is just the same email I used to send you but posted up on a website. The term blog comes from web log.
How do I watch the blog?
On the right side you'll see FOLLOW THIS BLOG. Click on that. If you already have a Gmail address, you can use that. If you don't, a Gmail address is free and it's a cool thing to have. Just an extra email address, nothing scary folks. It can be a great way to separate out different kinds of mail.
After that you can follow publicly or follow anonymously. Of course, following publicly makes it a lot more fun for the rest of us!
Where do I comment?
At the end of the post (the thing I write) there is a thing that says COMMENTS. Just click on that and you can enter your comments.
How do I read the comments?
Just click on comments! A number will be there showing how many comments have been made.
How can I send this to a friend?
There is a little envelope next to the COMMENTS. Click on that and you can enter your friend's email address. Of course if you'd rather just copy the link at the top and send it to them through your regular email you can do that as well.
How do I vote?
At the bottom of the page is a new poll every week. Just click and vote!
What if I want to read an old post?
Since my posts are rather LENGTHY, I am only showing one post at a time. Go to the right side for the archives and click on the title you want to read.
Other ways to follow the blog:
There is a SUBSCRIBE IN A READER at the top. If you have a Google account, just click on Google and you can get the blog in a Reader. That means it will bring the entire post into your Reader on Google and you can read it from there. It will bring it in automatically with no effort from you to go to the blog page. Very Cool.....but perhaps too technical for some.
What if I'm still confused?
Just email me at my regular email address!
What if I don't like your blog format?
Just email me and tell me! I'm open to improving it. One person told me it is hard to read white on black. Do others feel that way? Leave me a comment!
I think that should cover a lot of the new-fangled blogging thing!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Hello Frisco! Goodbye Loserville!
This week's auditions brought us to San Francisco and Louisville...insert multiple scenes of that red bridge and race horses.
In Frisco we started with Tatiana, who thought she was wonderful (and claims to be Puerto Rican) and was pretty much over-the-top crazy. Turns out Crazy can sing. She's going to Hollywood, where all will certainly hate her.
There was a very white, excessivley pasty guy with red hair who I thought I might actually catch some disease from just by watching him on TV. Scary.
Someone chose to sing "We Built This City" by Jefferson Starship...a song that no one should EVER, EVER, EVER sing, including Jefferson Starship. What in the hell where they thinking when they wrote that?
Enter the failed entrepreneur with the wild jacket and a smile as wide as Randy's behind. Simon said he had fake hair color. He was pretty spastic and didn't make it. Nice guy though.
Now you know the show has really gotten big when Jesus comes to audition. That's right, Jesus, right there in front of Randy, Paula, Simon, and (do I have to say it?) Kara. Well how can you not put Jesus through to Hollywood? Everyone be lovin' Jesus! We'll have to see if Jesus can make the final cut though, down the road. Without his loyal followers, especially the children, and their signs of "We Love You Jesus!" I think he will not make it to the next round.
Some guy who could do the Rubik's Cube sang "Baby Baby" and I had no idea what song he was singing.
Now, here's someone with a talent. I think her name was Aquila Eshew Goldstein? Though she couldn't pronounce anything right, so it only fits that I can't get her name right. She was the one who studied the biological tems for the throat. She could sing acapellaly and knew all about the trayshea. When she tried to sing in front of the judges, her voice, unfortunately, came from the wrong rectum (Randy: "what!?") and the judges said no to Aquila for Hollywood. This really irractitated her. Thank you Aquila for giving the world so many new words! I look forward to purchasing Aquila's New World Dictionary sometime in the future.
A young, cute-ish guy named Adam Lambert came in and sang very high and dramatically. I think he was the Broadway kid. I'm looking at notes right now and having trouble remembering him. Noted: "needs makeup." In my world that usually means that he would look a lot hotter with some eyeliner.
Kai? I think that was his name? Was the good-looking, dark-skinned man who was taking care of his very white-skinned, white-haired mom. He did "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes." I thought he was OK. Probably won't make it beyond Hollywood.
OK, now let's get this bitch Louisville done.....where's my notes, where's my notes...ah...there we go....
Tall blonde Tiffany starts off the show, complete with creepy mom and dad. I always wonder why people keep singing when Randy starts laughing, quite audibly, through their performances? She said she would sing another song but Kara said, "No honey. It's not about that."
Joanna who cut out on her own to become a music star said she "grew up a lot" "saw how artists struggle" and "lost a lot of confidence in the last year" --- that sounds an awful lot like too many rounds on the record company exec's casting couch to me. But good ol' Paula gave her a shot of confidence with, "I think you're worthy." (Worthy to stand before the wonder that is Paula Abdul?)
Mark Mudd. Well, what can one say? This is what the rest of the country expects to find when they go to Kentucky. Mr. Mudd almost died five times, had multiple car accidents, and is the ancestor of the Dr. Mudd who fixed John Wilkes Booth's leg after he shot Lincoln and jumped from the theatre balcony. He is the reason, he says, the term "Your name is Mud" came about. Well tickle my fanny and send me to Ohio, that's really some story. Unfortunately, this was "not the right competition" for him, according to Paula, to which Simon said, "What is the right competition? Wheel of Fortune?" An "Oh no he di-in't" could then be clearly heard outside the living room window of Pat Sajack's mansion. So, Muck (as Simon referred to him) did not go through, but having been through so many near-death-experiences himself he told the judges to "be careful." What a sweet guy.
Brent did "Can't Get Enough of Your Love" and he was REALLY good. Though Simon called him "buskerish"---- Hey Aquila!! Is that in our dictionary, baby!?? Oh, no, here it is...it is based on a real term...never mind. BUSKING: the practice of performing in public places for tips and gratuities. Well slap my butt and call me Shirley (no, don't call me Shirely), he used it properly.
OK, stop slapping my rear end now.
Two things I realized about the new judge, (should we keep calling her "the new judge" or call her Kara?), I don't like her gray eyeshadow that she wears every day. It's a tad whoreish looking. #2 She has the exact same lisp as Sarah Jessica Parker.
During Brent's performance the two female judges went under the table and then Kara said, "Ready, let's both go down." Where was Ryan when you need someone to reprimand those four and tell them it's a family show?
A few clips of bad performers were shown...like the Zebra guy and the loveable Fat Patrick who did the Billie Jean song and dance. Really enjoyed him.
They let a guy named Matt in who did Gavin DeGraw's "I Don't Want to Be" He was just OK, won't make it that far.
Ross, the academic guy came in and I found it very funny that Paula suddenly put on her glasses for the only part in the show. Inside Paula's head: He's smart. I'll look smart. No, I'll look smarter! Yeah, because he's not wearing glasses is he? No, he's not. He sipped through her straw and she was then afraid she'd catch some of the smart, so she had them get her another cup.
Did anyone notice on Day 2 of Louisville that Paula walked in wearing her lingerie? What was that about?
Aaron woke everyone up screaming and stomping "Have you Ever Seen the Rain" --- Ryan ran in to protect Simon because he thought something bad was happening.
Kara pointed out that Rebecca, who couldn't sing, was voted "most humorous" in high school and that this must be a joke. Then Rebecca cried. Then Kara pretended to feel bad because she was mean.
I didn't feel like they showed us enough good performers. I made a note of the name Ryan Johnson from Ohio because they showed him for a second and he was really fantastic. So mark my words on him.
The show ended with Lenisha, who grew up homeless. She wrote her own song and whenever someone sings a song they wrote themselves it goes horribly wrong, but she was the exception. She passed the audition with flying colors. You'll be seeing more of her.
Well, sadly, there are still more auditions next week. Hang in there, we'll get through it together.
Don't forget to vote in the new poll below and also read Simon's classic quote at the bottom!
To "watch" this blog, all you need to do is click on that over on the right side. They make you create a gmail address --- if you already have one you can use that, but there is nothing scary about getting a gmail address! It is just an extra email address for you, for free. Feel free to email me if you have other questions about the blog...or suggestions for it! Or just comment below! You can also click on the link button and send this to others, just look at the icons below. You'll get the hang of it, you're a smart cookie! :)
In Frisco we started with Tatiana, who thought she was wonderful (and claims to be Puerto Rican) and was pretty much over-the-top crazy. Turns out Crazy can sing. She's going to Hollywood, where all will certainly hate her.
There was a very white, excessivley pasty guy with red hair who I thought I might actually catch some disease from just by watching him on TV. Scary.
Someone chose to sing "We Built This City" by Jefferson Starship...a song that no one should EVER, EVER, EVER sing, including Jefferson Starship. What in the hell where they thinking when they wrote that?
Enter the failed entrepreneur with the wild jacket and a smile as wide as Randy's behind. Simon said he had fake hair color. He was pretty spastic and didn't make it. Nice guy though.
Now you know the show has really gotten big when Jesus comes to audition. That's right, Jesus, right there in front of Randy, Paula, Simon, and (do I have to say it?) Kara. Well how can you not put Jesus through to Hollywood? Everyone be lovin' Jesus! We'll have to see if Jesus can make the final cut though, down the road. Without his loyal followers, especially the children, and their signs of "We Love You Jesus!" I think he will not make it to the next round.
Some guy who could do the Rubik's Cube sang "Baby Baby" and I had no idea what song he was singing.
Now, here's someone with a talent. I think her name was Aquila Eshew Goldstein? Though she couldn't pronounce anything right, so it only fits that I can't get her name right. She was the one who studied the biological tems for the throat. She could sing acapellaly and knew all about the trayshea. When she tried to sing in front of the judges, her voice, unfortunately, came from the wrong rectum (Randy: "what!?") and the judges said no to Aquila for Hollywood. This really irractitated her. Thank you Aquila for giving the world so many new words! I look forward to purchasing Aquila's New World Dictionary sometime in the future.
A young, cute-ish guy named Adam Lambert came in and sang very high and dramatically. I think he was the Broadway kid. I'm looking at notes right now and having trouble remembering him. Noted: "needs makeup." In my world that usually means that he would look a lot hotter with some eyeliner.
Kai? I think that was his name? Was the good-looking, dark-skinned man who was taking care of his very white-skinned, white-haired mom. He did "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes." I thought he was OK. Probably won't make it beyond Hollywood.
OK, now let's get this bitch Louisville done.....where's my notes, where's my notes...ah...there we go....
Tall blonde Tiffany starts off the show, complete with creepy mom and dad. I always wonder why people keep singing when Randy starts laughing, quite audibly, through their performances? She said she would sing another song but Kara said, "No honey. It's not about that."
Joanna who cut out on her own to become a music star said she "grew up a lot" "saw how artists struggle" and "lost a lot of confidence in the last year" --- that sounds an awful lot like too many rounds on the record company exec's casting couch to me. But good ol' Paula gave her a shot of confidence with, "I think you're worthy." (Worthy to stand before the wonder that is Paula Abdul?)
Mark Mudd. Well, what can one say? This is what the rest of the country expects to find when they go to Kentucky. Mr. Mudd almost died five times, had multiple car accidents, and is the ancestor of the Dr. Mudd who fixed John Wilkes Booth's leg after he shot Lincoln and jumped from the theatre balcony. He is the reason, he says, the term "Your name is Mud" came about. Well tickle my fanny and send me to Ohio, that's really some story. Unfortunately, this was "not the right competition" for him, according to Paula, to which Simon said, "What is the right competition? Wheel of Fortune?" An "Oh no he di-in't" could then be clearly heard outside the living room window of Pat Sajack's mansion. So, Muck (as Simon referred to him) did not go through, but having been through so many near-death-experiences himself he told the judges to "be careful." What a sweet guy.
Brent did "Can't Get Enough of Your Love" and he was REALLY good. Though Simon called him "buskerish"---- Hey Aquila!! Is that in our dictionary, baby!?? Oh, no, here it is...it is based on a real term...never mind. BUSKING: the practice of performing in public places for tips and gratuities. Well slap my butt and call me Shirley (no, don't call me Shirely), he used it properly.
OK, stop slapping my rear end now.
Two things I realized about the new judge, (should we keep calling her "the new judge" or call her Kara?), I don't like her gray eyeshadow that she wears every day. It's a tad whoreish looking. #2 She has the exact same lisp as Sarah Jessica Parker.
During Brent's performance the two female judges went under the table and then Kara said, "Ready, let's both go down." Where was Ryan when you need someone to reprimand those four and tell them it's a family show?
A few clips of bad performers were shown...like the Zebra guy and the loveable Fat Patrick who did the Billie Jean song and dance. Really enjoyed him.
They let a guy named Matt in who did Gavin DeGraw's "I Don't Want to Be" He was just OK, won't make it that far.
Ross, the academic guy came in and I found it very funny that Paula suddenly put on her glasses for the only part in the show. Inside Paula's head: He's smart. I'll look smart. No, I'll look smarter! Yeah, because he's not wearing glasses is he? No, he's not. He sipped through her straw and she was then afraid she'd catch some of the smart, so she had them get her another cup.
Did anyone notice on Day 2 of Louisville that Paula walked in wearing her lingerie? What was that about?
Aaron woke everyone up screaming and stomping "Have you Ever Seen the Rain" --- Ryan ran in to protect Simon because he thought something bad was happening.
Kara pointed out that Rebecca, who couldn't sing, was voted "most humorous" in high school and that this must be a joke. Then Rebecca cried. Then Kara pretended to feel bad because she was mean.
I didn't feel like they showed us enough good performers. I made a note of the name Ryan Johnson from Ohio because they showed him for a second and he was really fantastic. So mark my words on him.
The show ended with Lenisha, who grew up homeless. She wrote her own song and whenever someone sings a song they wrote themselves it goes horribly wrong, but she was the exception. She passed the audition with flying colors. You'll be seeing more of her.
Well, sadly, there are still more auditions next week. Hang in there, we'll get through it together.
Don't forget to vote in the new poll below and also read Simon's classic quote at the bottom!
To "watch" this blog, all you need to do is click on that over on the right side. They make you create a gmail address --- if you already have one you can use that, but there is nothing scary about getting a gmail address! It is just an extra email address for you, for free. Feel free to email me if you have other questions about the blog...or suggestions for it! Or just comment below! You can also click on the link button and send this to others, just look at the icons below. You'll get the hang of it, you're a smart cookie! :)
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Idol in Kansas City: Dentists Not Allowed
So who knew the extent of the problem? Widespread neglect right in our midst, right smack dab in the middle of our country! How did they let it get this far? Do the good dentists of our country not even care about Kansas City? President-elect Obama, at the very least, please add a 2 ton box of toothbrushes to be immediately shipped to Kansas City as part of the federal economic stimulus package. If they brush their teeth they can get jobs! It is the least you can do for those poor people.
But hey! There was something nice to look at in Kansas City! Enter JASON CASTRO.....collective sigh! (well, at least one sigh from yours truly). Hi Jason! Jason got a big hug from Paula (she always likes my men, always! Damn her!) But we'll get back to Jason later in the Tales of the Toothless City.
First up is Chelsea, who I knew was going to stink because she was bragging about how good she is. She was a pretty, but who in her family is telling her she can sing? Maybe they had no teeth and she misunderstood what they said. Kara called her "sweetie" so I'm sure that softened the blow of rejection (eyeroll).
Next someone came in and did a song that Simon co-wrote. It was a sappy love song and the girl sang "footsteps" instead of "footprints" which he quickly corrected. My guess is that's where he got his songwriting credit -- "Yeah, I think you should change 'footsteps' to 'footprints'.....now don't forget to put me on the songwriting credits."
Casey in K.C. was as cute as a button. She is going to have a great face for those closeups on stage.
Stage left enter "big-hearted, hairy-chested" guy. Oh how I love it when Randy laughs through someone's entire performance! Dog, you funny.
Insert the "Boo Hoo" segment where several people cry or scream over not getting their golden ticket. Boo hoo hooo....now I'll never be able to afford to go to the dentist!
A guy in a hat came in and sort of yelled and sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" all at one time. It was a risk, but the risk paid off. He should be interesting to watch. He's someone who could go on through to the next round as long as he doesn't get too risky.
And now.....drum roll....it's the Castro brothers! Pink-haired Michael Castro is every bit as goofy as Jason Castro, but not as good looking, and according to himself, "less girlie." Hey, don't pick on my girlie Jason, Michael! Other than the goofiness, I didn't see that much in common about these two, but when Michael started singing his whole face transformed and you could see all the same expressions as Jason. It was quite fascinating! Now, see, what I'd like to do is switch their heads and bodies. Of course in doing so, you'd create one Adonnis and one short monster. Maybe I'll just make a cutout of Jason's face and paste it over the TV when Michael is on. It is funny what Simon said too...that he couldn't tell if the Castro brothers really took any of it seriously or really "wanted it." That's the amazing thing, they are just so naturally talented. I wasn't looking forward to brother Castro, but now I'm kind of on board. Better start printing out the Jason head and get me some tape!
Matt, the Welder, Breitzky was on next, following in the footsteps of the classic movie, Flashdance. He's a maniac, maniac on the floor.....(get it? She was a welder?) Matt had a nice voice. Maybe I'll put the Jason cutout over his face as well. I think he has a chance to make it to the Top 20.
So at this point in the show I notice that there is a woman who sits in the corner, off-screen, just to hand out the golden tickets. Wow. I wonder what that job pays?
A girl going by the name of "Jazz" with blue and red hair came in and did all kinds of wrong with her vocals. Did she not look like Kirsten Dunst's freaky sister?
Another geriatric-lover made the grade....Jessica who lives with her pill-popping 93 year old granny. She seems nice. I thought she was OK. I think she'll have a tough time making it through the next cut though.
Rapping sisters -- neither of them were good, but they let the normal-sized one through.
I am pretty sure they let the guy who came in screaming "California Dreamin'" go to Hollywood. What was with that hair? He looked like a Hare Krishna member. He's not going to the top 20. No way.
The guy who lost his wife, well you've gotta feel bad for that. I think he might make it to the Top 20, but get cut before the main stage.
Anupe, the folklore major (OK, that exists?) will be GREAT when he gets to the Top 20. They're going to grab ahold of those eyebrows and wax them right off. Stick him in some leather and trim up that hair. Instant Indian Idol. Love it.
Andrew and the Cheerleaders were up next. Can a man be too skinny and too white for me? Apparently so. Thank you, Andrew. And in what universe does a guy like that hang out with girls like that? I guess in the universe where a milky white boy sings like a black man...there you go. Don't worry, I won't Rickroll you. Just click here to see Andrew -- http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOU8GIRUd_g
The band director had a nice sound and a nice look.
The yellow-haired mutant...well, I just wanted to give that guy a vitamin or something (and a free pass to the dentist.....ANYONE EVER HEAR OF 'THE DENTIST' AROUND THERE!???) Does that guy actually take the time to bleach his hair? Why not take the time to brush your teeth?
The black dude who had a dream about Simon sounded a lot like Fantasia in the way he spoke I thought. He got through and I thought he was fun, but I don't see him making the cut later.
I HEREBY BAN THE USE OF THE PHRASE "WI' YOU" OR "WIT YOU"....it's "WITTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHH YOU!!!!" unless you don't have any teeth.
That one girl kept saying "God's going to get you!" Well, I hereby proclaim that if God is spending his time worrying about AI results, then I'm taking up Satanism, or at least Atheism!
Tornado girl is really good and pretty. She'll be Top 20. I thought comparing her to Fantasia was an insult as I don't think Fantasia is very good.
And finally, Simon ended the show by saying, "I'm now in love with Kansas." That's perfect. Especially since they were in Missouri.
'Til next time, don't forget to brush and floss!
But hey! There was something nice to look at in Kansas City! Enter JASON CASTRO.....collective sigh! (well, at least one sigh from yours truly). Hi Jason! Jason got a big hug from Paula (she always likes my men, always! Damn her!) But we'll get back to Jason later in the Tales of the Toothless City.
First up is Chelsea, who I knew was going to stink because she was bragging about how good she is. She was a pretty, but who in her family is telling her she can sing? Maybe they had no teeth and she misunderstood what they said. Kara called her "sweetie" so I'm sure that softened the blow of rejection (eyeroll).
Next someone came in and did a song that Simon co-wrote. It was a sappy love song and the girl sang "footsteps" instead of "footprints" which he quickly corrected. My guess is that's where he got his songwriting credit -- "Yeah, I think you should change 'footsteps' to 'footprints'.....now don't forget to put me on the songwriting credits."
Casey in K.C. was as cute as a button. She is going to have a great face for those closeups on stage.
Stage left enter "big-hearted, hairy-chested" guy. Oh how I love it when Randy laughs through someone's entire performance! Dog, you funny.
Insert the "Boo Hoo" segment where several people cry or scream over not getting their golden ticket. Boo hoo hooo....now I'll never be able to afford to go to the dentist!
A guy in a hat came in and sort of yelled and sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" all at one time. It was a risk, but the risk paid off. He should be interesting to watch. He's someone who could go on through to the next round as long as he doesn't get too risky.
And now.....drum roll....it's the Castro brothers! Pink-haired Michael Castro is every bit as goofy as Jason Castro, but not as good looking, and according to himself, "less girlie." Hey, don't pick on my girlie Jason, Michael! Other than the goofiness, I didn't see that much in common about these two, but when Michael started singing his whole face transformed and you could see all the same expressions as Jason. It was quite fascinating! Now, see, what I'd like to do is switch their heads and bodies. Of course in doing so, you'd create one Adonnis and one short monster. Maybe I'll just make a cutout of Jason's face and paste it over the TV when Michael is on. It is funny what Simon said too...that he couldn't tell if the Castro brothers really took any of it seriously or really "wanted it." That's the amazing thing, they are just so naturally talented. I wasn't looking forward to brother Castro, but now I'm kind of on board. Better start printing out the Jason head and get me some tape!
Matt, the Welder, Breitzky was on next, following in the footsteps of the classic movie, Flashdance. He's a maniac, maniac on the floor.....(get it? She was a welder?) Matt had a nice voice. Maybe I'll put the Jason cutout over his face as well. I think he has a chance to make it to the Top 20.
So at this point in the show I notice that there is a woman who sits in the corner, off-screen, just to hand out the golden tickets. Wow. I wonder what that job pays?
A girl going by the name of "Jazz" with blue and red hair came in and did all kinds of wrong with her vocals. Did she not look like Kirsten Dunst's freaky sister?
Another geriatric-lover made the grade....Jessica who lives with her pill-popping 93 year old granny. She seems nice. I thought she was OK. I think she'll have a tough time making it through the next cut though.
Rapping sisters -- neither of them were good, but they let the normal-sized one through.
I am pretty sure they let the guy who came in screaming "California Dreamin'" go to Hollywood. What was with that hair? He looked like a Hare Krishna member. He's not going to the top 20. No way.
The guy who lost his wife, well you've gotta feel bad for that. I think he might make it to the Top 20, but get cut before the main stage.
Anupe, the folklore major (OK, that exists?) will be GREAT when he gets to the Top 20. They're going to grab ahold of those eyebrows and wax them right off. Stick him in some leather and trim up that hair. Instant Indian Idol. Love it.
Andrew and the Cheerleaders were up next. Can a man be too skinny and too white for me? Apparently so. Thank you, Andrew. And in what universe does a guy like that hang out with girls like that? I guess in the universe where a milky white boy sings like a black man...there you go. Don't worry, I won't Rickroll you. Just click here to see Andrew -- http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOU8GIRUd_g
The band director had a nice sound and a nice look.
The yellow-haired mutant...well, I just wanted to give that guy a vitamin or something (and a free pass to the dentist.....ANYONE EVER HEAR OF 'THE DENTIST' AROUND THERE!???) Does that guy actually take the time to bleach his hair? Why not take the time to brush your teeth?
The black dude who had a dream about Simon sounded a lot like Fantasia in the way he spoke I thought. He got through and I thought he was fun, but I don't see him making the cut later.
I HEREBY BAN THE USE OF THE PHRASE "WI' YOU" OR "WIT YOU"....it's "WITTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHH YOU!!!!" unless you don't have any teeth.
That one girl kept saying "God's going to get you!" Well, I hereby proclaim that if God is spending his time worrying about AI results, then I'm taking up Satanism, or at least Atheism!
Tornado girl is really good and pretty. She'll be Top 20. I thought comparing her to Fantasia was an insult as I don't think Fantasia is very good.
And finally, Simon ended the show by saying, "I'm now in love with Kansas." That's perfect. Especially since they were in Missouri.
'Til next time, don't forget to brush and floss!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Idol Hits Arizona.....Yeah, We Get It....It's Hot There
As my loyal readers know, I don't typically start commenting until Idol is down to the final "real" contestants that go to the big stage, but since I'm now an official Blogstress, I felt it my duty to make a few comments to keep current.
The kickoff last night started with so many great memories....geeky Clay when he was skinny, nerdy, and in the closet; William Hung; Roooooben, "Kelly!" (screech this like my husband does); Sanjaya and the crying girl; The Hoff and more... Good times, yep, good times. My favorite moment of the intro was when Ryan nearly fell into the Grand Canyon....close, but no cigar. Perhaps he is still off balance from the shark bite of his pinky toe? (No, I don't know if the shark got his pinky toe, but that's how I like to imagine it.....I really didn't spend any time researching the Ryan/Shark incident, but I plan to refer to it endlessly nonetheless.
So in Arizona (where it's hot...in case you didn't know) we started off with a Tai Afro Dude (who is "half-caucasian" -- Yo! A shout out to my fellow caucasians! Woop Woop!!). Afro Dude didn't do so well, despite his claim that his moves made him "more marketable." Aw. Poor, sad, Afro Dude.
This is about the point where I decide there is no way I am going to like this new judge (didn't take long did it?). Anyone who calls people "honey" like that (if you do that, consider NOT doing that) is not a friend of mine! I never thought I'd say this, but this woman is going to make Paula shine like a diamond. Mark my words, Kara is not going to be popular with the audience. I want the standard back! Simon, Paula, Paula's prescription bottle, and Randy!
Next up, the Barracuda Tattoo girl. This girl is very beautiful (except for the unattractive tattoos)and a really, really great singer. I'm with Paula (you know, Paula's my peeps now!)she's, like, Top 5 material. Love her! She's the real deal.
OK, now we come to "Blue Collar Guy" who works in a cubicle. Ooooooh...kay.... Um....yeah, I guess there's no point in explaining the contradiction to him. Blue Collar Cubicle Guy is also known as Rock Band Singer Poser Guy on Fridays. Boy the office must love him. So, he didn't do very well, but don't worry, someone will "hear his [hard luck] story" and give him a break. You know, that hard luck story of growing up and being employed in an actual job because he doesn't have any friends in a rock band?
Some guy named J.B. got through but I didn't think he was that great.
There was a nervous, sweaty, pasty guy who sounded like he was having a toilet episode when he sang. What was that about?
Andre, X-ray, Cactus guy I SO totally enjoyed. Very disappointed they didn't let him through. How uplifting to watch that guy swiggle around!! Just loved it. If stupid bikini chick got to go through, I don't know why he didn't!
Didn't Paula look so smart with those glasses on? She looked pretty last night too. (No, Paula has not paid me for good commentary just because there is another female judge on the show this year. Really. I promise. Not that I'm not open to that. (Paula, call me!)
Arianna - she's adorable, she can sing, and she likes geriatric people. Top 12.
Elijah with the low voice...kinda reminds me of the guy in Animal House, "May we dance with your dates?"
Pink cowboy hat girl from Connecticut! WOOOOOOO!! (Who "woos" about Connecticut?) Despite brining in the 3-ring binder, she was too nasally and didn't make it.
Stevie was good. She has a ton of potential. She's like a "before" picture. They'll hide that big forehead and slap some makeup on her and she'll be good to go.
When I was not watching too closely some big hick got sent to Hollywood.
Bikini girl: Now what was most disturbing about this segment was not the girl in the bikini, but judge Kara getting up and singing like, "Look, I'm better than you!" That made me feel very squirmy, because honey, you just don't do that. You need to be professional on that judge's table and not try to show you're better than the contestants. You didn't see Paula get up and try to outdance Afro dude! #2 disturbing thing was the fact that they played, "I Kissed a Girl" for Ryan kissing the bikini girl. The lyrics go, "I kissed a girl and I liked it...I hope my boyfriend don't mind it." Are you telling me that was not intentionally done?
Deanna the southern blond was really good.
Detroit horror movie making boy was good, not great, but definitely someone I will be keeping my eye on (I hope he keeps his eyeliner on!) He's interesting. I'll leave it at that.
Nerdy guy Alex did James Ingram and made all kinds of weird faces. He was a good singer, but the performance needs a lot of work. I don't see him making the final cut.
Scott McIntyre, the blind guy, was good but I didn't know the song and I didn't think he was GREAT. He's certainly done well in his life considering his vision. I think he'll get cut in Hollywood, but it doesn't look like much is going to stop him in life. Good for Scott.
On that sweet note (you didn't think I would make fun of a blind guy, did you?) I bid you adieu.
The kickoff last night started with so many great memories....geeky Clay when he was skinny, nerdy, and in the closet; William Hung; Roooooben, "Kelly!" (screech this like my husband does); Sanjaya and the crying girl; The Hoff and more... Good times, yep, good times. My favorite moment of the intro was when Ryan nearly fell into the Grand Canyon....close, but no cigar. Perhaps he is still off balance from the shark bite of his pinky toe? (No, I don't know if the shark got his pinky toe, but that's how I like to imagine it.....I really didn't spend any time researching the Ryan/Shark incident, but I plan to refer to it endlessly nonetheless.
So in Arizona (where it's hot...in case you didn't know) we started off with a Tai Afro Dude (who is "half-caucasian" -- Yo! A shout out to my fellow caucasians! Woop Woop!!). Afro Dude didn't do so well, despite his claim that his moves made him "more marketable." Aw. Poor, sad, Afro Dude.
This is about the point where I decide there is no way I am going to like this new judge (didn't take long did it?). Anyone who calls people "honey" like that (if you do that, consider NOT doing that) is not a friend of mine! I never thought I'd say this, but this woman is going to make Paula shine like a diamond. Mark my words, Kara is not going to be popular with the audience. I want the standard back! Simon, Paula, Paula's prescription bottle, and Randy!
Next up, the Barracuda Tattoo girl. This girl is very beautiful (except for the unattractive tattoos)and a really, really great singer. I'm with Paula (you know, Paula's my peeps now!)she's, like, Top 5 material. Love her! She's the real deal.
OK, now we come to "Blue Collar Guy" who works in a cubicle. Ooooooh...kay.... Um....yeah, I guess there's no point in explaining the contradiction to him. Blue Collar Cubicle Guy is also known as Rock Band Singer Poser Guy on Fridays. Boy the office must love him. So, he didn't do very well, but don't worry, someone will "hear his [hard luck] story" and give him a break. You know, that hard luck story of growing up and being employed in an actual job because he doesn't have any friends in a rock band?
Some guy named J.B. got through but I didn't think he was that great.
There was a nervous, sweaty, pasty guy who sounded like he was having a toilet episode when he sang. What was that about?
Andre, X-ray, Cactus guy I SO totally enjoyed. Very disappointed they didn't let him through. How uplifting to watch that guy swiggle around!! Just loved it. If stupid bikini chick got to go through, I don't know why he didn't!
Didn't Paula look so smart with those glasses on? She looked pretty last night too. (No, Paula has not paid me for good commentary just because there is another female judge on the show this year. Really. I promise. Not that I'm not open to that. (Paula, call me!)
Arianna - she's adorable, she can sing, and she likes geriatric people. Top 12.
Elijah with the low voice...kinda reminds me of the guy in Animal House, "May we dance with your dates?"
Pink cowboy hat girl from Connecticut! WOOOOOOO!! (Who "woos" about Connecticut?) Despite brining in the 3-ring binder, she was too nasally and didn't make it.
Stevie was good. She has a ton of potential. She's like a "before" picture. They'll hide that big forehead and slap some makeup on her and she'll be good to go.
When I was not watching too closely some big hick got sent to Hollywood.
Bikini girl: Now what was most disturbing about this segment was not the girl in the bikini, but judge Kara getting up and singing like, "Look, I'm better than you!" That made me feel very squirmy, because honey, you just don't do that. You need to be professional on that judge's table and not try to show you're better than the contestants. You didn't see Paula get up and try to outdance Afro dude! #2 disturbing thing was the fact that they played, "I Kissed a Girl" for Ryan kissing the bikini girl. The lyrics go, "I kissed a girl and I liked it...I hope my boyfriend don't mind it." Are you telling me that was not intentionally done?
Deanna the southern blond was really good.
Detroit horror movie making boy was good, not great, but definitely someone I will be keeping my eye on (I hope he keeps his eyeliner on!) He's interesting. I'll leave it at that.
Nerdy guy Alex did James Ingram and made all kinds of weird faces. He was a good singer, but the performance needs a lot of work. I don't see him making the final cut.
Scott McIntyre, the blind guy, was good but I didn't know the song and I didn't think he was GREAT. He's certainly done well in his life considering his vision. I think he'll get cut in Hollywood, but it doesn't look like much is going to stop him in life. Good for Scott.
On that sweet note (you didn't think I would make fun of a blind guy, did you?) I bid you adieu.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Look at Me All Modern and Whatnot!
So, I've been doing my American Idol "commentary" for a number of years now and some of you new-fangled readers have been saying, "Why don't you have your own blog?"
Well................TA DA!!!! Aren't you all sorts of impressed!?
I chose this black template for my blog in honor of Simon's wardrobe and its title explains how I feel about American Idol. It's a love/hate thing. No show better "seizes" our time with the weeks and weeks of auditions, rambling commentary, and exasperating "right after the breaks." Here's hoping you've all invested in a DVR or Tivo because as entertaining as it might be, you simply cannot let this show take up one more moment of your time! When Idol Gives Back this year, I say we ask them to give us back the precious hours of our lives!!
Since Paula is so much inspiration for the Idol blog, I thought it only fair to recognize her in some way. So the website address (url) I chose was http://theupperregister.blogspot.com. You are now in the upper register -- be proud, stand tall! Please comment often, because you know you sound great in the upper register!
So, word on the street is that American Idol starts tomorrow with their auditions of the good, the bad, and the mentally ill. A new judge has joined the cast too. Now if you think I'm going to get all fancy and do indepth research on this silly show just because I now have this spiffy blog, you are sorely mistaken, sir! No, I don't know the new judge's name. No, I don't know what her credentials are. What I do know is that she's a woman and that's going to make little Miss Paula Abdrool extra crazy this season! Expect extra potent doses of crazy since the talk-time will now be split four ways and Paula will have to find a way to cram it all into less screen time.
As your beloved, but not-so-dedicated blogstress here....I can't tell you much more about the upcoming American Idol season. Since the last season, the only noteworthy pieces of information I heard was that Ryan was bit by a shark, Simon broke off his engagement, and a once-auditioner was found dead outside of Paula's house! One could ponder what Randy does in the off-season.......but then there's other activities for the mind -- you know things like literature, art, music -- remembering to breathe.
Thank you for joining me out here in cyberspace. I hope the blog is as successful as the email commentary and that you join me here, comment often, invite your friends, and have fun. You know you're already wondering what you're going to do with those precious few moments in between the Idol TV shows. I'm glad to oblige!
'Til the season starts............
Well................TA DA!!!! Aren't you all sorts of impressed!?
I chose this black template for my blog in honor of Simon's wardrobe and its title explains how I feel about American Idol. It's a love/hate thing. No show better "seizes" our time with the weeks and weeks of auditions, rambling commentary, and exasperating "right after the breaks." Here's hoping you've all invested in a DVR or Tivo because as entertaining as it might be, you simply cannot let this show take up one more moment of your time! When Idol Gives Back this year, I say we ask them to give us back the precious hours of our lives!!
Since Paula is so much inspiration for the Idol blog, I thought it only fair to recognize her in some way. So the website address (url) I chose was http://theupperregister.blogspot.com. You are now in the upper register -- be proud, stand tall! Please comment often, because you know you sound great in the upper register!
So, word on the street is that American Idol starts tomorrow with their auditions of the good, the bad, and the mentally ill. A new judge has joined the cast too. Now if you think I'm going to get all fancy and do indepth research on this silly show just because I now have this spiffy blog, you are sorely mistaken, sir! No, I don't know the new judge's name. No, I don't know what her credentials are. What I do know is that she's a woman and that's going to make little Miss Paula Abdrool extra crazy this season! Expect extra potent doses of crazy since the talk-time will now be split four ways and Paula will have to find a way to cram it all into less screen time.
As your beloved, but not-so-dedicated blogstress here....I can't tell you much more about the upcoming American Idol season. Since the last season, the only noteworthy pieces of information I heard was that Ryan was bit by a shark, Simon broke off his engagement, and a once-auditioner was found dead outside of Paula's house! One could ponder what Randy does in the off-season.......but then there's other activities for the mind -- you know things like literature, art, music -- remembering to breathe.
Thank you for joining me out here in cyberspace. I hope the blog is as successful as the email commentary and that you join me here, comment often, invite your friends, and have fun. You know you're already wondering what you're going to do with those precious few moments in between the Idol TV shows. I'm glad to oblige!
'Til the season starts............
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
