Idol in Kansas City: Dentists Not Allowed

So who knew the extent of the problem? Widespread neglect right in our midst, right smack dab in the middle of our country! How did they let it get this far? Do the good dentists of our country not even care about Kansas City? President-elect Obama, at the very least, please add a 2 ton box of toothbrushes to be immediately shipped to Kansas City as part of the federal economic stimulus package. If they brush their teeth they can get jobs! It is the least you can do for those poor people.

But hey! There was something nice to look at in Kansas City! Enter JASON CASTRO.....collective sigh! (well, at least one sigh from yours truly). Hi Jason! Jason got a big hug from Paula (she always likes my men, always! Damn her!) But we'll get back to Jason later in the Tales of the Toothless City.

First up is Chelsea, who I knew was going to stink because she was bragging about how good she is. She was a pretty, but who in her family is telling her she can sing? Maybe they had no teeth and she misunderstood what they said. Kara called her "sweetie" so I'm sure that softened the blow of rejection (eyeroll).

Next someone came in and did a song that Simon co-wrote. It was a sappy love song and the girl sang "footsteps" instead of "footprints" which he quickly corrected. My guess is that's where he got his songwriting credit -- "Yeah, I think you should change 'footsteps' to 'footprints'.....now don't forget to put me on the songwriting credits."

Casey in K.C. was as cute as a button. She is going to have a great face for those closeups on stage.

Stage left enter "big-hearted, hairy-chested" guy. Oh how I love it when Randy laughs through someone's entire performance! Dog, you funny.

Insert the "Boo Hoo" segment where several people cry or scream over not getting their golden ticket. Boo hoo hooo....now I'll never be able to afford to go to the dentist!

A guy in a hat came in and sort of yelled and sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" all at one time. It was a risk, but the risk paid off. He should be interesting to watch. He's someone who could go on through to the next round as long as he doesn't get too risky.

And now.....drum roll....it's the Castro brothers! Pink-haired Michael Castro is every bit as goofy as Jason Castro, but not as good looking, and according to himself, "less girlie." Hey, don't pick on my girlie Jason, Michael! Other than the goofiness, I didn't see that much in common about these two, but when Michael started singing his whole face transformed and you could see all the same expressions as Jason. It was quite fascinating! Now, see, what I'd like to do is switch their heads and bodies. Of course in doing so, you'd create one Adonnis and one short monster. Maybe I'll just make a cutout of Jason's face and paste it over the TV when Michael is on. It is funny what Simon said too...that he couldn't tell if the Castro brothers really took any of it seriously or really "wanted it." That's the amazing thing, they are just so naturally talented. I wasn't looking forward to brother Castro, but now I'm kind of on board. Better start printing out the Jason head and get me some tape!

Matt, the Welder, Breitzky was on next, following in the footsteps of the classic movie, Flashdance. He's a maniac, maniac on the floor.....(get it? She was a welder?) Matt had a nice voice. Maybe I'll put the Jason cutout over his face as well. I think he has a chance to make it to the Top 20.

So at this point in the show I notice that there is a woman who sits in the corner, off-screen, just to hand out the golden tickets. Wow. I wonder what that job pays?

A girl going by the name of "Jazz" with blue and red hair came in and did all kinds of wrong with her vocals. Did she not look like Kirsten Dunst's freaky sister?

Another geriatric-lover made the grade....Jessica who lives with her pill-popping 93 year old granny. She seems nice. I thought she was OK. I think she'll have a tough time making it through the next cut though.

Rapping sisters -- neither of them were good, but they let the normal-sized one through.

I am pretty sure they let the guy who came in screaming "California Dreamin'" go to Hollywood. What was with that hair? He looked like a Hare Krishna member. He's not going to the top 20. No way.

The guy who lost his wife, well you've gotta feel bad for that. I think he might make it to the Top 20, but get cut before the main stage.

Anupe, the folklore major (OK, that exists?) will be GREAT when he gets to the Top 20. They're going to grab ahold of those eyebrows and wax them right off. Stick him in some leather and trim up that hair. Instant Indian Idol. Love it.

Andrew and the Cheerleaders were up next. Can a man be too skinny and too white for me? Apparently so. Thank you, Andrew. And in what universe does a guy like that hang out with girls like that? I guess in the universe where a milky white boy sings like a black man...there you go. Don't worry, I won't Rickroll you. Just click here to see Andrew -- http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOU8GIRUd_g

The band director had a nice sound and a nice look.

The yellow-haired mutant...well, I just wanted to give that guy a vitamin or something (and a free pass to the dentist.....ANYONE EVER HEAR OF 'THE DENTIST' AROUND THERE!???) Does that guy actually take the time to bleach his hair? Why not take the time to brush your teeth?

The black dude who had a dream about Simon sounded a lot like Fantasia in the way he spoke I thought. He got through and I thought he was fun, but I don't see him making the cut later.

I HEREBY BAN THE USE OF THE PHRASE "WI' YOU" OR "WIT YOU"....it's "WITTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHH YOU!!!!" unless you don't have any teeth.

That one girl kept saying "God's going to get you!" Well, I hereby proclaim that if God is spending his time worrying about AI results, then I'm taking up Satanism, or at least Atheism!

Tornado girl is really good and pretty. She'll be Top 20. I thought comparing her to Fantasia was an insult as I don't think Fantasia is very good.

And finally, Simon ended the show by saying, "I'm now in love with Kansas." That's perfect. Especially since they were in Missouri.

'Til next time, don't forget to brush and floss!